but which verbs do you employ when it’s clear that you are trying
to side-eye murder your mother, when you are the chilling moral
of every blazing honor thy Sunday sermon, when you are nothing
less than blasphemy blown wide? How you do lift the bleating
cell to your ear when what you hope to hear is an awkward cough
introducing some industrious RN’s practiced coo, an I’m so sorry
to inform you followed by a flat trisyllable twang, the Alabama
name of the woman who spent years drilling you with grammatically
hilarious tenets and a Gospel so austere you wet the bed believing it?
All you remember of those unrelenting lessons is a sky-eyed white
man poised to both consecrate and slap you sinless, and a heaven
spewing feral light just beyond your fingers. It was your mother
who begged a confounded congregation to infuse you with the holy,
so a bevy of bored elders mumbled a few maybes and shoved your
nappy head into a plastic pool of tepid water, one quickly twitching
a nipple while you flailed. But that drowning meant your mother
loved you. That little drench whitened and reversed you, scoured you
ripe for the Lord’s gold touch. You were forgiven for so brashly sporting
your father’s face and its landscape of Negro nose, for the way you
ruined your Delta mother’s practiced city body, crudely driving your
slick and bloody head through her and out, straight into her damned
business. You almost killed her, the story goes and goes. When your
father died, she turned her wide back to your grief, unmothered you
for ten years. She almost killed you, your story goes and goes. Then